Valentine's Day Cards

    Forget about soppy Valentine’s Day cards. There’s a much better way to show your partner how much you love them: a card that makes them cackle with laughter. If that sounds good to you, you’ve probably come to the right place. At Spicy Baboon, we’re all about creating cards and other products that make people roar with laughter, because as self-respecting Aussies, we understand the value of a good sense of humour—especially in relationships!

    We’ve sourced some of the funniest memes, jokes, quotes, accidental celebrities, and other cultural triumphs that are based on the sticky subject of love, and turned them into all manner of excellent Valentine’s Day cards that will express your devotion through inappropriate, tongue-in-cheek comedy. If your partner has a good sense of humour, you’re sure to find a Valentine’s Day card that will make them laugh, and remind them how god damn funny you are.

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    Why do we give cards on Valentine’s Day?

    The history of Valentine’s Day is, like a few of our jokes, a little sketchy. St Valentine himself is generally traced back to the time of Roman Emperor Claudius II, where it’s said that he was imprisoned for protecting persecuted Christians. Another popular legend says he was caught performing secret marriages for soldiers, which, you’ve got to admit, makes a bit more sense given how we celebrate things these days.

    European folk traditions used to link St. Valentine with the beginning of spring, and the custom of sending cards, flowers, and gifts began. Over time, the day became more and more associated with romantic love, until we got the multi-billion dollar holiday we have today. Oh, ain’t love grand?

    We’re kidding, of course – any excuse to celebrate a loved one is a bloody good excuse, as far as we’re concerned. And hey, if February 14th isn’t your vibe, all our Valentine’s Day cards make for great Steak and Blowjob Day (March 14th) and Cake and Cunnilingus Day (April 14th) cards too!

    Why buy your Valentine’s Day card from Spicy Baboon?

    You already know we’re going out of our way to make your special someone laugh (you’re welcome), but why else should you choose Spicy Baboon for your Valentine’s Day cards?

    We use high quality materials for all our products

    Our Valentine’s Day cards are printed using quality-graded paper and inks. This means our cards are not only hilarious but look good and make for fantastic (if occasionally rather cheeky) mementos.

    We’re excellent value for money

    We’ve spent a lot of time honing our manufacturing processes and building great relationships with our suppliers, so you’re guaranteed great quality, value for money, and comedy gold!

    We’re an Australian company

    Supporting Aussie businesses is more important than ever these days. Choosing to shop with Spicy Baboon means you’re backing a 100% Australian business, with Aussie designers, Aussie printers, and an Aussie HQ, right here in sunny Brisbane!

    Did we mention we’re funny?

    Not to toot our own horn but… toot toot!

    Valentine’s Day cards for him

    Here’s some of our picks for Valentine’s Cards that’ll have the man in your life not only roaring with laughter, but reassessing who the funny one in the relationship is. Spoiler: it’s YOU!

    Keanu Breathtaking card

    Now, let’s be honest. There’s one person your man loves more than you. And, if you’re being doubly honest, there’s one person you love more than your man. That person is Keanu Reeves. And there’s no better way to take his breath away than with this card featuring the love of everyone’s lives.

    Hunk of Spunk card

    If he’s the Kel to your Kath, let that purveyor of fine meats (*wink wink*) know with this Hunk of Spunk card! You’ll be making your beautiful, sensual relationship a mere formality in no time!

    I Choo Choo Choose You card

    We’ve been on the apps, alright. We know a man’s profile isn’t complete without a Simpsons quote or five. If you’ve got a man who acts like Springfield’s favourite family is actually his own, then he’ll love this reference to Season 4, Episode 15. And even if he doesn’t like The Simpsons (and had to Google that episode like we did), it’s still pretty stinking cute.

    I Love You For Your Character 3D

    Card – yeah, we know, you love everything about them. He’s sweet, thoughtful, strong, funny… but that d*ck though? Show him just how much you love (a very specific part of) him, with this popup eggplant card. Just don’t let him get too close. Unless he’s into that, of course.

    Endless Never Gonna Give You Up Prank card

    If your other half is anything like you, he’s probably already eyed up the Spicy Baboon range ahead of Valentine’s Day. Beat him to the punch and Rick Roll that sneaky S.O.B. with our Endless Never Gonna Give You Up card. Once activated, our lord and saviour Rick Astley will sing his greatest hit on a loop for HOURS. But that’s not all – if hubby tries to stop him, the card’s secret weapon activates: GLITTER!

    Valentine’s Day cards for her

    Well, who’d have thought that that drunken swiping session, torrent of d*ck pics, and “u up?” texts would have brought you here, hey? Let your lady love know you’re grateful she picked you out of the heinous line-up that is Tinder (or any dating app, for that matter) with this Swipe Right card. Be honest, mate, we all know who settled for who.

    Swipe Right card

    Did we already mention this? Our Valentine’s Day gifts for him are designed to be funny, and to give your man a much-needed chuckle. We achieve this by locking our marketing baboons in a room and not letting them out until they have at least 20 new designs that make us laugh. Don’t worry, they get paid handsomely for this.

    Baby Yoda Love card

    Alright, we know that’s not technically his name, but the little guy wormed his way into just about everyone’s hearts – including your better half’s. Show your hot nerd girlfriend you care with a geeky pun and who knows? That Princess Leia fantasy might become reality after all…

    Naughty Bear 3D card

    Turns out our 3D cards aren’t the only things that pop-up! Our Naughty Bear is guaranteed to put a smile on your significant other’s face, with his big smile, big heart, and big… well. Oh, and don’t worry about closing the card when you’re ready for your Valentine’s reward. Naughty Bear likes to watch.

    I Long For Your Bottom card

    Make the most of Matthew Lewis’ glow-up and remind your partner that she’s not just any witch, she’s THE witch. She’ll happily let you Slyther-in to her Chamber of Secrets when you give her our magical I Long For Your Bottom card! (For legal purposes, we have to state that this card doesn’t actually have magical powers. Sorry.)

    Your Package Has Arrived 3D card

    Oh, you thought the pop-up fun was over with Naughty Bear? Not a chance! Make your intentions perfectly clear and gift your girl a card that comes cocked and loaded with a rather adult surprise. Give her what she really wants this year – a reliable erection.

    We’re more than just Valentine’s Day Cards too!

    If you thought the only things we were good at were printing funny pictures and putting those funny pictures into little envelopes, you’d be absolutely dead wrong!

    We’ve got a fantastic collection of clothing, mugs, puzzles, soaps, stickers, and MORE that can all be used to express your love the Spicy Baboon way. And, just like our cards, we’ve put a lot of time and effort into making sure they’re of a very high quality for our ever-so discerning customers.

    Some of our favourites include:

    One-Eyed Bubble Shooter bath bomb

    This phallic bath bomb smells better than it looks, we promise you that!

    Touch Your Butt mug

    For when your mouth says, “I love you”, and your brain says, “I want to touch your butt”. One of a selection of items we can personalise for both you and the butt you’re touching.

    Red Minky soap

    The Notorious V.A.G. soap! Looks saucy, smells delicious.

    You’re My Lobster t-shirt

    Share the love in the most iconic 90s kind of way. Available in men’s and women’s cuts, in a range of sizes and colours.

    Big Barry jigsaw puzzle

    Looking for something to do together on Valentine’s Day? Look no further than this uncensored tribute to one of the pandy’s biggest (pun intended) memes.

    FAQs | Valentine’s Day Cards

    We’ve got a crack squad of baboons who work on all our designs. A fine assortment of memelords, comedy geniuses, and pop culture connoisseurs, they work hard to make sure only the funniest, filthiest, and downright SPICIEST goodies make it to our online store.

    Sure, the office doesn’t smell great, but that’s the price you pay, I guess.

    • 1. Can I return my Valentine’s Day card?

      If you’re not happy, we’re not happy. If you’ve received your Valentine’s card and don’t think it’ll do the job, contact us within 14 days of receiving it and we’ll help make it right.

      As long as the item hasn’t been used, we should be able to organise an exchange or a refund, with return postage at the buyer’s expense.

    • 2. How long will it take for my card to arrive?

      Once ordered, our baboons prepare and ship your products within 1-4 days from Brisbane, Australia. All our products are sent via Australia Post.
      Within in Australia, standard shipping usually takes four to eight business days to arrive, with express shipping taking two to three business days. If you’re in a rural area, postage will likely take a little longer.
      Our baboons are obviously very busy in the run-up to specific holidays (including Valentine’s Day), and things out of our control, such as postal delays, do happen, so the earlier you can get your order in, the better!

    • 3. What are your shipping rates?

      We offer flat rate shipping to our Australian and NZ customers, with free delivery over $99 for the Aussies! (We gotchu, besties)
      Australia - Standard Shipping (4-8 Business days) = $8.95
      Express Shipping (2-3 Business days) = $12.95
      New Zealand - Standard Shipping (8-15 Business days) = $15.00

    • 4. Do you ship internationally?

      We sure do! Rates and estimated delivery time frames are dependent on which country we’re sending our products to.

      As mentioned before, we get much busier as certain holidays approach so be sure to order well ahead of time for any international deliveries.

    • 5. Can I pick-up my order?

      Good news for our fellow Brisbane baboons – your orders can be picked up from our Woolloongabba HQ. Skip the delivery fee AND avoid any AusPost drama by selecting ‘Pick Up’ as your delivery method at check-out. Once our baboons have done their thing and put your order together, we’ll send you an email letting you know it’s ready to collect.

    • 6. How can I get in touch with you?

      The fastest way to reach us is by phone. Give us a call or a text on 0484663060 and we should be able to help you out. Our phones are manned weekdays 9am-4pm – outside these ours (or if you’re a Millennial who hates talking on the phone), you can reach us via email at